Our Retreat from Breast Cancer

To say that I have been running away from breast cancer since my last treatments is an understatement. My family was also tired of this viscous disease.

Months before, after a round of chemo - when I couldn't sleep -- I ran across an organization called Little Pink Houses of Hope that gifts free week long vacations to breast cancer patients and their families.  I applied (not thinking we would get accepted - you all know my bad luck) and miraculously our family picked along with 10 other families from across America and Canada.

Our family was gifted a trip to Scottsdale, Arizona in May.  I truly believe this was a gift from God. He knew what our family needed ...... rest and reconnecting with each other without thinking about this dreadful disease.  Little Pink provided a wonderful, 4-bedroom house with a swimming pool for us.  We had daily outings (that were optional - but how could you NOT want to go on such fun adventures), they fed us and gave us just the right amount of family time.

One day we went paddle boarding at a local lake (yes, there is water in the desert), another day we made pottery and we even took in a pro-baseball game! Our whole family was able to truly relax and my kids even fought less!

On the last night in Scottsdale, we were given balloons and were asked to write down what we wanted to "release".  I wrote FEAR.  Every single day of my life, I pray that my cancer doesn't come back because if it does, I will likely die from the disease, earlier rather than later.  Dan was playing with Nathan and my cute little 5-year old was just happy to have a balloon to play with.  Abby wrote LESS FIGHTING WITH MY BROTHERS which is valid for an 11-year old girl who has had to take on much more responsibility since my diagnosis.  Caleb wrote down ANGER on his balloon. When  I read it - I broke down in tears.  My sweet, 11-year old boy, has anger about MY disease. Why is this something he never told me....why didn't he tell me...how could I take his anger away? I realize I can't take away his anger towards my cancer, because I have it too, but this last in Arizona gave me an epiphany - as much as I had hoped I had shielded my kids from this disease, they have had to grow up and deal with things that I couldn't shelter them from.

I will forever be grateful for my Little Pink family.  I daily pray for all the other families we met and the volunteers that made the week possible.  What they gave my family can never be repaid.