This summer I had a hysterectomy to decrease my cancer risk. The surgery went fairly well, except they couldn't take my cervix because of all the scar tissue that had developed from my pregnancies. A few weeks ago, my oncologist changed my anti-cancer medicines that I need to take for 10-years.
One week ago today, my body had a severe reaction to the medicine - making my upcoming surgery that Friday questionable. My surgery had been scheduled for 3 months, I fought so hard to get well enough for it. You see, the radiation I received months ago severely burned my body, inside and out. I also had 2 emergency surgeries because of a severe infection in my left breast that caused my left expander needing to be removed. All of these procedures had made my left breast looking mangled.
On Friday, September 22nd, I had fat grafting surgery performed. This is a procedure where they take a some fat from my belly (believe me - they could have taken WAY MORE) and place the fat in the areas that were most damaged. The latest research shows this practice is very beneficial for patients in similar circumstances as mine.
Because of the severe reaction from the anti-cancer meds and my latest surgery, I now feel like a shell of who I was. I know, with time, I will regain my strength and courage but right now...I feel defeated. I can't wash my family's clothes, cook or even load the dishwasher and I've missed events for my kids. I know it will just take time, like it did before, to get back into my groove - but I want it NOW.
I don't want to think about cancer anymore! Some people have questioned if my latest surgery was "worth it" and all I can say is YES! If I didn't do everything I could to help heal my body - why wouldn't I?
Other people don't understand why I cashed in retirement funds to buy Abby a pony or why I let Caleb do all his sports. You know why.....it's because I might die much sooner than anyone because of this bastardly disease. If I can make my kids dreams come true and have them learn life lessons at the same time - I'm going to do it! I am living each day as if it's my last. Yes, any of us can be killed today or tomorrow (as we know from Micah) but it's my goal to teach my kids life lessons NOW while I can! I want to carpe diem - seize the day, each and every day.
As I seize each day the most God has to give me, I will take one obstacle at a time. I will take each criticism at a time, and I will ask God for strength with every task. My life is not yet over, my fight isn't over. My next surgery is in December to place another tissue expander into my left side and finalize my reconstruction in 2018. There is a 10% chance my surgeries can be finalized in December - but I'm not banking on that.
So until next time, carpe diem my friends. Seize each day for what God has planned for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment