How to Help an Introverted & Independent Woman with Breast Cancer - Helping Her be Strong & Courageous

How to help an Independent, Stubborn & Introverted  Woman & Mom with Breast Cancer

As many of you know, I can often be called...independent, stubborn, and introverted (some of you may even have more colorful terms).  With many of these God given attributes, it is often hard for me to ask for help. Suggestions I would give to others with friends going through a crisis such as breast caner or even a death: 

• Just DO It - Don't say"Call me anytime you need."  
• Just show up in her life. Help with anything you would typically be doing in your household.  Even though it's hard to accept help, it's easier for the person to accept help than ask for help.  
• Ask when she has appointments and tell her when you are available to take her.  
• Set up a meal plan for the family.
• A good friend set up a "meal train" for people in the community to bring food for us every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  This has has been invaluable to us.  Although the breast cancer patient may not eat the food others bring, it is sustaining her family and she doesn't need to worry about how to feed her family. There are many websites that you can use to set up an Internet meal planning guide.  
• Help mother her children.  
• Invite her children over for play-dates or sleep-overs.  It is hard for children to see their mother sick and they may want to ignore the cancer.  Talk to her kids about their feelings and thoughts.  No matter their age, they are thinking about their mom's cancer a lot! You may be that safe person who they trust to tell you their true feelings that they may not want to burden their mom with.  Your investment in your friends children will mean so much to not only the the child but also the parents.  
• Don't tell her about all the people you have known who have died of cancer.  
• Even though you are well intentioned, you don't need to share your experience with cancer in your family, especially if your loved-one died from the disease.  No matter the prognosis of the patient, the thought of death is not one she wants to think about.  The cancer patient will put more effort into keeping her tears away and will be polite and just let you talk.  
• Don't talk about your experiences in front of her children. Again, you are well intentioned on sharing your stories of how cancer touched your family, children's ears are always listening to conversations.  
• When you don't know what to do: 
• Pray: The most powerful thing you can do is daily pray for her and the family.  God hears your prayers and will answer them with His will.  Personally, there are days that I don't know how I survived - for me, I felt prayers.  I knew God was carrying me when I could barely survive. Also pray for her husband, although his faith may be strong - this is a scary time for him.  
• Send a card or care package & don't expect a thank you card. I have kept every card that has been sent to me.  I often look over them and read.  Including a personal note in the card means so much to the patient. Care packages are also such a sweet thing to send to the cancer patient. Your gift is a little gift of love but please don't expect a thank-you note because the patient, most likely, has no energy to write it.  Call, text or message your friend and ask if they received your gift - just to make sure it arrived - but don't expect a thank you.