Fighting with Courage and Joy in 2017

As I reflect on 2016 and the coming of 2017, one question keeps entering my mind: would I have chosen to have breast cancer invade my body? Initially, I would have emphatically said HELL NO but upon further reflection, I'm not sure... CRAZY isn't it! 

I believe, God allowed my cancer, crazy as it sounds. I had to learn (and continue to learn) things about myself.  Others have also also learned various things from my cancer -- although I'm not sure entirely sure of the what or why of everything.   

I recently learned of Theodore Roosevelt's - Competitor's Creed, written in 1899 and it inspired me. He states: "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the enthusiasm, the great devotions, and spends himself in worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievements; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knows neither defeat nor victory." 

As I think of the Competitor's Creed, I reflect on previous 8 months and other key moments in my life.  In 2017, I want to live life more for me and my priorities.  At the end of my life, I want my children to know my journey was about what Christ wanted me to do and not what I had to do in life for my critics. Sometimes in life, I think we put more emphasis on what our critics say about us. Sometimes we are our own critic. In the end it is not the critic who counts, in the end, it is our walk with Christ and believing in Him. 

When my children are older, I hope they can say that even in though at times, when my body was marred by dust and sweat and blood - that I never gave up and that I fought harder and harder, striving valiantly whatever the situation. 

When I had Micah's blood on my hands, trying to save his life, I realized I had to let him die, he was un-savable, I had to fight to let him go.  I had to fight to forgive the accident.  I had to fight to not kill myself. I fought for me.  

When I was pregnant with the twins, I had some complications to carry them to full-term.  I fought for Caleb and Abby to live. When Abby was born with a rare disease, I fought to find her the best possible medical care - I fought for her.  When I delivered Nathan, I had complications on the operating table, I fought to live for Caleb, Abby, Nathan and Dan.  

In April, when the doctor called to say I had invasive breast cancer, I began another fight.  My physicians treated me with the world's toughest drugs, specifically formulated to kill my cancer. First, the cancer was removed from my breast, choosing a double mastectomy to ensure all cancer was removed.  The surgery was hard and I fought. Chemotherapy has been the hardest fight, oh how it drained my body and soul yet I continued to fight and fight and fight.  Radiation also proved challenging at times, causing weeks of pain but I'm continuing to fight. 

In 2017, I will continue to receive HER-2 therapy, every 3-weeks, until May. This is a special form of chemotherapy that targets specific cancer cells that could be floating around in my body.  This coming year I will also have a total hysterectomy that also removes my ovaries - this will help lower my future cancer risk; I will also undergo breast reconstruction surgery. I will also be on anti-cancer drugs for the next 10 years.  Cancer will not win. I will continue to fight, and strive valiantly.  I'm in the arena ready to take on what needs to be done. I will do everything possible to cure cancer in my body and help others in their cancer fight.    

In 2017, I want my family to know they are my most worthy cause - I will forever do what is necessary for them, I will always fight for them. I will always strive valiantly for them and for my loved ones. In 2017, I want to continue to teach my kids that although I and they err daily and comes up short again and again, I'm thankful we have a Lord who will forgive me, and they them.  I will continue to ask daily for forgiveness and always try harder to do better. 

In 2017, I hope to show my children that no matter my situation, my enthusiasm for life -- my joy -- will always show through! I want to show them that their behavior can show God's love. I hope my children can say that I lead by example and that the joy of Lord was my strength.   

In 2017, I want to more deeply devote myself to my priorities, my worthy causes in life.  All my priorities are represented on my hand: (1) God, my thumb that points up and without Him I am nothing; (2) Dan, my pointer finger, that point back to me and I to him; (3) my children, my middle finger, that can get the majority of my attention and who are my legacy; (4) my family and community are my ring finger and (5) any worthy causes God wants me to take on (working in Public Health or as a Pastor's wife) represents my pinky finger, I ultimately work for God and will do what He wants. This year, I want a deeper relationship with my Lord; I want a healthier relationship with my husband; I want a closer relationship with my children and my family; and I want to embody the spirit, skills, and new experiences God has for me in the future! 

In this coming year, I want to embrace the value to triumph! I want my children to embrace value triumph! I want us to embrace trying, fighting and earning triumph! I want us to try new things, venture into new arenas and embrace the uncertainty.  I want to show my family that even though they might have tried and failed at something, they should be proud that they tried.  Failure is hard.  I truthfully despise failure but if I fail, or if my children fail at something, we will fail daring greatly, fighting with courage and joy, knowing we tried where others have not.  

Happy New Year everyone! 

Being Strong and Courageous Amidst the Pain of Radiation

As of today, I have 5 more radiation treatments - hallelujah! On Friday, I will have undergone 25 radiation treatments. Although radiation has been "easier" on me than chemotherapy, it has still been VERY difficult and painful.


When I started this blog, at the beginning of my cancer treatments, it's purpose was to be educational. As awkward as it is, here is a photo of my breasts from last week (it's worse this week). As you can see, I have extreme swelling from the lymphedema in both breasts, I have an extreme sunburn from the radiation and I also have extreme brusing under my left armpit. I also have trouble swallowing, at times, also because of the radiation - making it feel like I am swallowing glass. I am also pretty exhausted. There are days that I could sleep ALL DAY!


You've probably heard of women having lymphedema in their arm due to breast cancer treatments. I am the rare example of a woman having lymphedema in the breast. Lymphedema is a potential side effect of breast cancer surgery and radiation therapy that can appear in some people during the months or even years after treatment ends. Basically, lymph is a thin, clear fluid that circulates throughout the body to remove wastes, bacteria, and other substances from tissues. Because of my breast surgery, I had many lymph nodes removed from under the arm. The lymph nodes they removed, had a primary function of removing "bad things" from my tissues. Radiation is now cutting off and/or damaging some of the remaining nodes and vessels through which lymph moves. Over the last few weeks, the radiation has overwhelmed the remaining lymph pathways, resulting in a backup of fluid in my left breast. The lymph fluid is also finding its way off to right breast because my body doesn't know what to do with it. To help alleviate this situation I see a lymphedema therapist that uses special massage techniques to move fluid into working lymph nodes. This type of therapy isn't going to work overnight and I have do the massage techniques 1-2 times a day at home but we are trying to "retrain" the body to take the lymph fluid to different pathways to get out of my body.


Before a few weeks ago - I never thought of my lymph fluid or the effects of radiation and now I pretty much think of it 80% of my day and wish there was an easier process. I am in constant pain because of radiation but people can't tell because I try to put a smile on my face and live a "normal" life. I'm being strong and courageous amidst the pain of radiation.


On a positive note, my hair is regrowing! I've got a punk look and it's so easy to take care of! My eyebrows are s...l...o...w..l...y regrowing but I've had some eyelashes fall out (bummer). Also, after a deer totaled our car last month, we think we have found our replacement car. We were blessed to have 20 people at our house for Thanksgiving and are now looking forward to celebrating Jesus' birth during this Christmas season. God's blessings to each of you.